🤗 Turning Toward
The tiny moments that quietly decide whether a relationship lasts.
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🤝 The Insight
The Move That Predicts Divorce Better Than Fighting Does
Psychologist John Gottman calls them "bids for connection" — a partner pointing out a bird outside the window, sighing about work, reaching for a hand. Small, easy to miss, and constant.
📊 Gottman's data found that couples who turned toward each other's small bids for connection about 86% of the time stayed married, while couples who later divorced had done it barely a third of the time.
That's not a gap you close with one grand romantic gesture. It's built — or eroded — one ignored bird outside the window at a time.
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🤗 Start Turning Toward
- Notice the bid, not just the words. "Look at that dog" is really "notice me for a second."
- A glance counts. Turning toward doesn't require dropping what you're doing — just acknowledging it happened.
- Track your own ratio for a day. Most people are shocked how many bids they miss without meaning to.
- Catch yourself turning away. A late "wait, what did you say?" still beats silence.
👉 Try This Today
Nobody divorces over one missed bird outside the window. They divorce over ten thousand of them. 🤗